Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times

Autor: The Irish Times

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I’m like, ‘Can this wait, Honor? I’m thinking about rugby’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Oh my God,’ Sorcha goes. ‘Did you lock Brian in the attic?’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Drop the Carmela Soprano act, Rosser,’ Ronan goes when I ask him if Sorcha’s ring was stolen – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
Sorcha’s old dear singing sounds like a fox with its head trapped in a gate – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘So Westlife, huh? We’re all big fans in our gaff, aren’t we, Honor?’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘We’ve been trying to break them up, haven’t we? A year or two in the clink – he won’t wait for her’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
Four Feds step into the kitchen. One of them is like, ‘Well, Bernie?’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘I did the deed with the girlfriend of a very good friend and it’s been bothering my conscience lately’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
At the end of the summer, just like the rest of you, I’m sick of the sight of my children – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Your father’s playing golf in Doonbeg,’ Hennessy goes. ‘While the cat’s away, the mice will fornicate’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
Charlie is serious about marrying this woman. You haven’t heard the worst of it yet. No prenup – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Oh my God! Your dad’s new girlfriend has entered the Wicklow Pollock Queen competition!’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘My son has opened a museum celebrating criminality. I wish people would stop asking if I’m proud’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
The old man has a Tesco Clubcord. Jesus, it’s worse than I thought – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Wait a minute, are you telling me there’s a World Cup in soccer?’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Your accent is up and down like a focked umbrella,’ I tell the old man – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘I’m not giving that kid the money. Not a focking chance’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
We filled a skip with all the things Sorcha decided she can live without, until she changed her mind – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Nobody can say I haven’t put my body on the line for this Leinster team’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Ross, it’s a very simple choice. It’s me or it’s Leinster. You decide’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Ross, I think you’re finally getting your comeuppance from the universe’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Dude, you’re not in Ballsbridge now,’ I tell the old man. ‘This is Las f**king Braygas!’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
I have zero interest in her in that way – is it weird that I want to spend time with this girl? – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘There’s nothing wrong with Bray, Ross,’ the old man says. Literally. Word for word – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Sorcha, I don’t need ChatGPT to tell me how to talk to my daughter and the girl she’s seeing’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Potatoes au gratin? My old dear used to say they’re for people with money but no class’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
We’re driving through Donnybrook and Sorcha shouts ‘Stop!’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘Ross,’ Sorcha goes, ‘we’re not going to Dubai. We cancelled because of the war.’ I’m there, ‘What war?’ and I genuinely mean it – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘We’re losing, like, 32-0. The Blackrock first years are taking us aport’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times
‘I’m so full of myself this morning that I’m actually making myself sick’ – Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times